This loan application came in last week and it is worthy of being on our Would You Approve This Loan Series. This applicant is serious about his request for a loan, and his words speak for themselves. This older entrepreneur seems to be quite excited about getting approved for his small business loan. He sounds very sincere about his plans to start up his business.

We had MANY typos in this rather long application form. The spelling and grammar were extremely bad, so we just cleaned it all up so that is was readable. We tried not to paraphrase him to much, and of course left in the bits that were “special”.

Our heart goes out to this fella, and we hope he some day succeeds in getting a small business off the ground. We also hope he manages to stay clean for the rest of his days, and gets his life back on track. We had to share his lengthy application form, because this potential borrower is quite a character.

Type of Loan :: Business Loan

Why do you need a loan? :: I need this business loan to start all over again. I feel that I am ready for working again and cleaning up my life. I have decided that I would be best to start my own lawn service company, so I need to buy a cool looking truck and a trailer that is good looking too. Nobody wants to hire a lawn service guy who has a rusty truck an trailer.

Also need some good looking business cards that have my picture on them. I am actually very good looking and that will help me find more customers. I need an Internet keyboard too so that I can find clients that way as well. I was always a pretty good typing student when I was in grade 9, and think that it’s important to have this new connection for purpose of finding grass to cut. I am using the library Internet box here in Napa to apply for this loan, and it’s rather difficult because there is one librarian here who always kicks me out of here when she sees me. I have not done anything wrong, but she has always had me removed from the building because I fell asleep over in the non-fiction section a few years ago. I promised her that it was one time thing and that I was just tired and needed a nap.

I would like to buy an iPOD box as well so that I can listen to music while I am cutting grass. I find this relaxes me and I do a better job if I am relaxed. I like to listen to Jimmy Buffet when I cut lawns.

If for Business, tell us a little about your business :: I cut lawns for people who want superior lawns. I am an expert with a lawn mower and weed eater. I have been known to cut 3 lawns in one day. There are many lawns here in Napa Valley that need cutting and I won’t let you down. If you give me this loan I promise that I will never miss a payment, and I will be nice to you too.

How Much Do You Want To Borrow? :: Between $50K – $60K

Length of Employment :: Unemployed for over 15 years

Time at Address :: No address

Age :: Over 60

Extra Info Here :: anything else that would help us get your loan approved :: I can cut grass better than any other grass cutters and lawn specialists in all of California. I know how to fix stuff too, so I don’t need to hire a mechanic to do that. I have excellent people skills, and once I have a bath and cut my hair, I will willing and ready to go door to door looking for lawns to cut.

Please don’t judge me by the picture I sent, because I wash up really good, and when I smile people trust me. I need to buy a used truck, a flat bed trailer, two lawn mowers (new), some business cards, and some new clothes. I also need to rent a storage container to store my equipment and to live in. You see, I am very special because I don’t own a house, car, or have to feed any other mouths. I can support myself and live in the storage container until I am making a good profit. Then I will get an apartment and more new clothes.

I plan to get a girlfriend to do all my shopping for me and to make love to me. I feel it is important that I have an attractive lover so that I am calmer on the job. None of my clients will want me cutting their grass if I am uptight all the time. I learned this the hard way back in 1987 when I lost a client due to anxiety. It’s very important that my 5th wife is supportive, so I assure you that I will work hard to find the right mate. She must be good a grass cutting too (like I am) because she will work with me cutting grass and doing general clean up jobs for clients.

I have had a bad addiction to pain killers, alcohol, heroin, meth, and crack cocaine. Anything that could get me high. I have spent over 15 years living on the street, but I think I am ready to turn a new leaf. If someone would give me a chance and lend me around $50,000 dollars I know that I could stay clean and succeed in business. When I put my mind to it, I can do anything. I know that most lenders would not approve me, but once they get to know the real me they will fall in love with what I have to offer.

Sex :: Male

Marital Status :: Divorced 4 times

Ever Claimed Bankruptcy? :: Yes – 3 times

What Country is Your Primary Address :: United States

What State is your primary address in? :: California

Have you checked your credit report lately? :: No

Would you consider your credit rating to be? :: Terrible

Collateral? :: I have many valuable things in my buggy

Down Payment? :: No

If down payment, how much? :: No

Do you a have co-signer or co-borrower? :: No

Employment Industry :: Used to be a small engine repair mechanic for 20 years, and was fired for drinking on the job numerous times. I used to cut grass when I lived with my 4th wife and I made over $800 a month doing that. I had to because that bitch never did a damn thing except smoke my cigarettes, make a mess of my trailer, and drink my Jack.

I don’t have a lawn mower anymore, a trailer to move the mower, and a truck to pull the trailer. I liked working for myself better than being an employee – I was destined for self-employment. No company will hire me because they are intimated by my superior knowledge of the facts. All my bosses were intimidated by my superior mind, and didn’t like it when I questioned their management skills.

I you could find it in your heart to give me a second chance I know that I would prove to be a great asset to you. I am willing to pay up to 25% interest on this loan, and will pay you back over the period of 20 years. I will make sure you know where I am living, and give you frequent updates on how my business is doing and how many customers I have. I will pay you back every month the full amount that we agree on and I will never miss a payment. My word is my bond.

Thank you for considering my loan application and I look forward to making you very proud of me. You will find that I am very honest and that I will pay back every last cent of this loan. I only ask that you allow me a 6 month breathing room period before I start making payments. It will take a me a few month before I get some customers in the bag, so I won’t have any money to pay you back until the 6 months is over.