Divorce and Bankruptcy In LA (Dennis and Sandra)

Dennis and Sandra were married when they were 27 years old (Dennis was 28 actually, and Sandra was 27). Dennis worked in an auto body shop and made a fairly good earning due to the many hours he put in. Sandra also worked – as a checkout girl at the local Wal-Mart. They were never lucky enough to have jobs handed to them, on a silver platter, from a family member or a friend.

Dennis took some training to become an auto body technician and he did all this the hard way – by pounding the pavement with his resume and making calls. Sandra got her job the same way. Without taking in a favor from somebody else who already had a high-paying job in a good company.

Dennis did a lot of night shift work, because he preferred it that way, as the shop was quiet and there were very little interruptions at night. He really enjoyed his work because he was good with his hands, but his real passion was playing guitar in a local band. So good in fact, the Dennis and his fellow bandmates decided to record an album and fund it themselves. The total cost of recording the album was going to be near $45,000, and he had four other members in the group. That is a whopping $9000 for his responsibility.

Dennis and Sandra just did not have the money to afford this great expense for such a long shot of an investment (after all, we all know how hard it is to make it in the music business…..right). They only had about $7000 saved between them and that was for all of the new appliances had to buy soon. It was an old house they bought the year before, and were now living in. Of course, this caused a lot of friction between Dennis and Sandra, as he wanted to pursue his dreams of being a musician, and Sandra wanted the money for something else entirely different. She wanted the money for, what most people call, practical reasons.

Tensions began to grow between the two of them over the months as the band prepared to record their songs. Dennis felt that if he didn’t come up with his share of the money he would be out of the band. Arguments came about (naturally) as the two of them discussed what they wanted to do with the money they had saved up, and no matter how much they talked about it they just couldn’t come to any kind of agreement. Dennis wasn’t going to give up on his dream, and Sandra wasn’t going to see their life savings squandered on what she considered to be a fantasy.

So this is why Dennis was causing financial stress in their household and you can see why. He felt that he had worked so hard, and so fast, in order to make a good living, and that he deserved this privilege of pursuing his musical dreams. Because he works so hard at nighttime doing autobody work (which was overtime) he felt that the extra money should be his to use anyway he wanted.

For anybody who is married, or has been married, they can see the flaw in his thinking – right here and now.

You can see that maybe in some ways Dennis is being unreasonable about this issue, but Sandra was not a saint either. Sandra would go out and spend money on their credit cards when Dennis was working, and/or sleeping during in the day, or rehearsing with the band. Much of the shopping center debt was not necessary either. She would buy items that were not needed – more like wanted. She would buy clothing she would never wear, jewelry she would rarely wear, expensive food items, tickets to concerts, and worst of all, marijuana.

To make things worse on their financial front, both Sandra and Dennis would drink their fair share of alcohol, which is very expensive when you add it up over a weeks time. As well as this growing addiction, Sandra also liked to smoke marijuana regularly (every day). The costs of these unnecessary toxins was a big problem growing in both of their lives. Not only do these kinds of addictions cost a lot of money, they impair your thought processes and your judgment calls. It’s very easy to go on a binge spending spree when you are high and not thinking straight. It’s also easy to spend $200 in one night when you go out to a club. This kind of wastefulness will drive anybody into bankruptcy if it’s not corrected, and reversed.

Both Sandra and Dennis knew that their drinking and pot smoking was a problem, but they rarely ever talked about it. They had talked about having children in the near future, and Dennis mentioned that he didn’t want them to be drinking alcohol or taking part in the use of marijuana when they were raising children. He especially didn’t want Sandra to have alcohol, tobacco products, and marijuana in her system while she was pregnant. This whole point of discussion caused a lot of stress and they had two or three big arguments which involved raised voices, slamming doors, and broken ornaments on the floor.

I can see that some people would consider this to be a relationship that is completely out of control, but I beg to differ. For young people in their 20s, it is understandable that they may be partying quite a bit, especially if they don’t have children, and they have access to money for the spending. It’s also understandable that they would have arguments, because everybody has an argument once in a while, regardless of how good their marriages are. In so many ways Sandra and Dennis could have reversed their personal financial disaster (which we will get into next), but they never had the strength to finally put an end to their wasteful spending, and get real. This doesn’t mean that Dennis and Sandra were weak people (any weaker than others) – I am just saying that they made some poor choices along the way.

Dennis’ Big Financial Decision

Dennis made the decision to withdraw the $7000 from their joint account and combined it with $2000 he had stashed away from overtime he had done at work. He took the complete $9000 and gave it to the band to put towards their recording. When Sandra found out she was furious. They had the worst argument they had ever had. Sandra actually moved out of the house for a couple of days to see what that felt like, because she was seriously considering leaving Dennis at that point.

Ultimately she came back because she still loved Dennis and thought that they could maybe work it out. Regardless of her effort to make things work, they now had lost all of their savings and they had no backup in case an appliance broke or vehicle needed repairs. Dennis felt terrible about his decision in regards to Sandra, and their home life, but he couldn’t sit back and not take the gamble on his dreams.

Sandra’s Poor Lifestyle Choices

After Dennis had made this investment in his dreams she decided not to hold back on any purchases whatsoever. Because of the matrimonial struggles she was having, she was smoking marijuana more frequently, and going out to clubs much more. Before they knew it, they were having trouble paying off their utility bills, car payments, and their mortgage on one occasion. Dennis got some help from his parents in the sum of $3000, which really helped them through a couple of bad months, but it wasn’t enough to stop their financial train from completely running off the rails. Dennis was getting frustrated and angry with her regularly. It wasn’t long before they were sleeping in separate rooms.

Debt Consolidation for Dennis and Sandra

After about six months of runaway spending on both of their parts, these two very unhappy people had to get some help. They went to a company that specializes in debt consolidation. They consolidated all of their debts into one big debt, and they made monthly payments on it. It looked like, for a time, that Sandra and Dennis would be on the right track, but in one years time they were back in the same place they were before the debt consolidation process.

They had racked up their credit cards and their line of credit(s) to such a degree that they were in even a worse mess than they were before the debt consolidation. All the debt consolidation did was give them more room on their credit cards, and they went completely out of control again. Sandra and Dennis were now drinking and partying more than ever before. One of the reasons for this was that Dennis and Sandra were spending so much time with the band, playing in clubs, and partying in the studio. As a side note, the album was going over budget. The new album wasn’t going well either, as one of the parties (the drummer) neglected to come up with his $9000 towards the project. This put an awful strain on the relationships within the band, and even a worse strain on Dennis and Sandra. In Sandra’s mind, she thought that Dennis had been a complete fool by using all of their money for this project, when as it turned out, the counterparts of the project were not as serious as he was. Dennis was beginning to wonder if he had been foolish as well.

Finally things hit their worst point when Sandra had an affair with some guy she met in the bar. Although she still loved Dennis very much, it wasn’t enough for her to stay loyal. When Dennis found out, he was devastated, and he began making plans.

Dennis Constructs a Plan for Personal Bankruptcy

Dennis decided that he was getting out of this relationship, but he wanted to do it in a way that would not leave Sandra in a financial mess going forward. Many men in his situation would just leave, and let the chips fall where they may, but Dennis just didn’t have the heart to do it – he felt guilty about the $7000 he’d used from their joint account two years prior, and he felt guilty for leaving Sandra.

So what Dennis did was he started applying for other credit cards, lines of credit, and department store cards. His credit was still good enough that he was able to get these new cards approved, and even get his existing credit cards increased (for the amount of credit that was available). In total, Dennis had acquired $50,000 in possible credit from all of these maneuvers.

Over the next year and a half Sandra was still having different affairs with other men, and her marijuana use has increased twofold. She was even taking part in cocaine use with one of these men. Sandra was very unhappy and she to knew that it was just a matter of time before her and Dennis would be separated and divorced. However, they just went through the motions and tried to make the best of it, even though they both knew the end was coming soon.

For the next year and a half Dennis would take out $500 and $1000 cash advances from his credit cards and he would store that cash above a roof panel of his rehersal area where the band practiced. Thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars added up in his little hiding place. Over the next months Dennis managed to accumulate $23,000 in cash which was all stored in the roof panel above the reversal spot. He was ready now to carry out his plan. He just had to break the news to Sandra after he had paid off all of their debts. (or should I say Sandra’s debts)

So Dennis went to all of Sandra’s creditors, and paid them all off. He paid off her line of credit at the bank, and he paid off the money she owed her dealer (the one who provided her with marijuana). He finished off the back deck which was in the middle of being repaired, and he finished off the renovation which was in the basement. He went through Sandra’s financial affairs with a fine tooth comb and paid off all of her debts.

After he had paid off all of Sandra’s debts, he broke the news to her one evening. He told her in the car, on the way back from a club where his band was playing on a Friday night, that he wanted a divorce. His timing couldn’t have been worse because Sandra was drunk and he was a little bit tipsy himself. She began screaming and flailing her arms at him as he was trying to drive. He had to pull over and tried to calm her down.

He told Sandra what he had done with the money, and during that conversation she seemed to calm down quite a bit. She was still furious with him for wanting a divorce, but he could tell in some way she was relieved as well. Dennis was also relieved after he had finally broken the news to Sandra about wanting a divorce. He was relieved to finally feel free again, and could see the end in sight. Sandra’s reaction was to drink and to drug even more.

The Financial Breakdown of Their Assets and Debts

So this is the way their divorce and Dennis’s personal bankruptcy played out. Dennis owed over $27,000 in total two different creditors and banks. Sandra owed nothing. Dennis went to a lawyer to have his divorce proceedings move forward as quickly as possible, and he gave Sandra all of the equity they had in their small house, including all of the furniture and all of the items in it. Dennis had no interest in things, except for his guitars and his amplifiers, and some of his clothing. He just wanted out and he wanted out cleanly.

As a result of Dennis’s wishes and the actions, which his attorney took on his behalf, Sandra ended up having no debts at all, and $15,000 in equity on the house in her name. Dennis signed over everything to her, and within two weeks time she had another man living in the house with her sharing the bills and payments. Dennis moved out with two of his bandmates and quit his job at the auto body shop.

Dennis went on the road with the band and began playing clubs all over the Western parts of the United States and Canada. He was living his dream, but at the same time he was facing the realities of bankruptcy. He couldn’t get a credit card, or any kind of credit at all. He knew that he was not going to be able to get any credit for the next seven years, so he made a plan once again. Dennis’s new plan was to spend the next seven years playing live and in the studios with any band he could join – ones that had some viable possibility of succeeding.

When he played on the road he was always paid in cash, and because he was discharged from all the creditors when he claimed personal bankruptcy, he didn’t have to give up any of his earnings, or any percentage of their them. He was free of these creditors but was paying the price in the form of seven years without any kind of credit. Of course, he didn’t really care because he was living his dream playing music. They couldn’t care less about being rich as long as they were living out their dream.

Dennis decided that with his plan he was going to give it a try for seven years well he was bankrupt, and if after seven years he had not succeeded as a musician, he would pack it in and begin working on some kind of new employment besides autobody work, or the music industry work.

Four years have passed now since Dennis started out on his new plan, and the good news is he is making a full-time living as a musician, and he is drug and drink free. He met a new woman who is a receptionist at a mastering studio in Los Angeles, and he settled into a house that she had from her recent divorce. They are very happy, healthy, and living an inspired life.

Sandra ended up selling her matrimonial home, and is living alone in an apartment in East Los Angeles. Her drinking and drugging have never completely stopped, and she has been in a rehab center twice now. Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with MS (multiple scerosis) and is living with the disease. She still holds a lot of resentment towards Dennis, and blames him for problems frequently. She never did realize the gift he had given her by leaving their marriage and taking all of bankruptcy in his name.

They are never in contact, and Dennis rarely even thinks about Sandra anymore. Sandra did manage to leave the job she had, and get a better job through the boyfriend she had right after the divorce. She got a job working on one of the movie sets and that lead into other jobs. She works full time now in the movie industry, and makes much better money. Unfortunately, with her disease and her addiction problem, she has no peace of mind in her life. She was never able to regain a strong foothold on happiness. I guess divorce affects us differently.

In closing

When I review this story of this couple, I can’t help but notice that Sandra doesn’t look very good in comparison to Dennis. The truth is that both of these people are decent human beings who are basic loving, law-abiding, and caring individuals. They both reacted differently to the stresses of life, whether they be financial or emotional, and with their strong egos running the show, they let their relationship and financial lives run amok. Often it’s the man who has the problem with the alcohol, the marijuana, and the infidelity – but not in this case.

It is always sad when a relationship breaks apart under stresses caused by both parties in the marriage. If you look at the mistakes that Dennis and Sandra made, it is easy to see where they went wrong, and how they could’ve avoided the whole fiasco in the first place.

If Dennis had been more reasonable, and more concerned about their relationship, he could have forgone his musical dreams in some way. In fact he could have kept his dreams alive, and avoided spending the $7000 ($9000) dollars on his recording dreams, and that would’ve made things better. Sandra could have avoided drinking and drugs altogether, which would (could) have resulted in her not committing adultery. If they had both been less wrapped up in their personal egos they probably could’ve made it before damaging each other’s levels of respect.

This is usually the crying shame when it comes to personal bankruptcy and divorce. It’s never that we don’t make enough money – It’s that our egos ruin the day. It is a simple fact that we can learn to get by with very little money, as long as we make good choices when it comes to our lifestyles. Avoiding addiction is step number one. Avoiding frivolous spending is step number two. With these two simple steps, you can get by with almost any amount of income (your humble narrator lived on only $650 a month income for over 4 years). It can be done.

These kinds of personal bankruptcies happen all the time in America (and around the world) and they will probably always continue to happen when egos rule the day. The constant of desire for more is causing thousands of couples to claim personal bankruptcy every month in America (and in California of course).

I hope that you are not going through a situation even similar to the story of Dennis and Sandra. I hope that you don’t have any addictions plaguing your life, and you are making financial choices based on frugal common sense, and not on flights of fancy. I hope that you are not struggling in the throes of a bad marriage, and are not going to be in a position where you will have to be claiming personal bankruptcy.